Relationships end. Breakups can be awful. Whether we decide to end it or our partners do, there is always a period of adjustment and mourning.
Our logical analytical mind wants to swoop in, be the hero, and save us from our emotions so give it something to do instead of breaking down the same situations over and over again.
I have a tendency to over analyze things, which can be self-defeating; this is an example of the kind of analysis that is helpful.
Since Sia’s Elastic Heart came out I have played it (sometimes on repeat) to bring me back to myself even when I am in the thralls of avoidance: dying my hair, remaking my bed (even if it’s clean) moving furniture, excessive baking, walking, you get the picture…
Listening to music, reading a book or watching a show can give us the inspiration we need to exercise the aspects of ourselves that left unattended can drive us crazy. We can find empowerment instead of self-defeat.
6 Things I Learned About Empowerment
“And another one bites the dust
But why can I not conquer love?
And I might’ve got to be with one
Why not fight this war without weapons?
And I want it and I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
And let’s be clear, I trust no one”
1. Be Self-Reflexive
ask yourself, why does this keep happening? What are my relationship patterns? Was I wanting a relationship so much that I was trying to make it work with the wrong person? What did I not like about myself in the relationship?
Acknowledge the growth you have demonstrated in the relationship. How have you improved your relationship skills? Remember times where you have shown that you have achieved some personal growth.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF and when our self-reflection and taking stock add up, what they equal is the most likely reason for the relationship not to work. Did you make mistakes? Were you irresponsible with their heart and their feelings?
“You did not break me
I’m still fighting for peace”
4. Self-Worth and Inner Strength
When you can acknowledge that your world is not ending, that you can be strong beyond the upset, pain, sadness, anger, whatever it is that you are feeling.
This is the most empowering aspect, where you can pat yourself on the back and say “I like the way you are dealing with this.” You know that it is more important to fight for your own well-being than to fight for someone else’s love.
“Well I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close”
5.Strength and Vulnerability
It is okay to be hurt and it doesn’t mean you’re not strong. The blade cutting and the elastic snapping are things done to those objects and not the fault of the objects themselves. People can hurt us but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be vulnerable. The thick skin is protective and the elastic is flexible and they represent your defensive mechanisms. Even your defences have their vulnerabilities.
Build yourself up instead of building up your defences
“And I will stay up through the night
Let’s be clear, I won’t close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I walked through fire to save my life
And I want it, I want my life so bad
And I’m doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It’s hard to lose a chosen one”
Songwriters: Thomas Wesley Pentz, Abel Tesfaye, Andrew Fitzgerald Swanson,
and Sia Furler
6.Allow Yourself Time to Process
it is okay to lose sleep and feel all of the emotions, but unlike the sad breakup, this time you will know that you can survive, that what you have been through is hard but you are worthy of love and you don’t need someone else for that because you can love yourself!
To sum up…
- Self-Awareness—BE HONEST!
- Practice Vulnerability
- Give Yourself Time to Heal