I’m Madly in Love With The Idea of You

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He says he likes me. That’s what they all say, nothing new or extraordinary in that. He says he has more time now and that he wants to spend some of it with me.

Almost two weeks have passed and he has done nothing to assure me that what he says is true, except maybe in using more enthusiasm in his text responses by way of exclamation points.

My impulse is to scream: PROVE IT!

but what that really means is that I am still relying on how he feels about me to tell me how I feel and who he is.  The proof I am looking for is not external to my own understanding of the situation. He could say nothing to change the way I feel…

The texting stops, halts, or slows (this time that doesn’t bother me so much because I’m not a fan myself) he is busy, he says nothing, I say more, I get bored, then I start thinking…

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This is when things get dangerous…

I find articles and quotes about how he is showing me I am not a priority, how I need to accept he really doesn’t give a shit. Like the photo suggests

I read about how a man will MAKE the time if he truly wants to be with you, that I am disrespecting and embarrassing myself, lowering my self-worth; and all the while he hasn’t really given it or me a second thought, let alone FELT anything about it.

The popular opinion would have me believe that in addition to what I have just acknowledged—that I am valuing what another thinks and feels over my own thoughts and feelings and that I am trying to control (from a place of fear) the outcome–my belief in what he says and my efforts or thoughts regarding the situation is pointless, demeaning, shameful, and/or that I am desperate.

Yet, I do believe him. Why? When all evidence suggests I am being a fool, why do I continuously harbor the hope that I am not?

I can think of a few major reasons:

  1. Pride– Pride is sort of the stubborn analytic brain’s way of digging in its heels. I don’t want to be wrong about the way I feel about him, or the way I feel with him. Pride is also averse to rejection, so I continue (according to popular advice) to humiliate myself so I don’t have to take on board the feelings of rejection.
  2. Romanticism–  the belief in the impossible, and the hopefulness that comes with the appeal of grandiose love stories; soulmates, the ideal partner. Romanticism appeals to the emotional and spiritual self and can be stubborn just like pride. Both the brain and the heart collect information (in different ways) and neither likes to misinterpret or to be wrong.
  3. I’m madly in love with the idea of him– the product of both my ideal romantic and the pragmatic analysis of qualities, values, and beliefs that correspond well with what I know of myself.

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The reason I cannot take their advice:

I don’t believe he has actively evaluated me as a “priority” in his life. And I believe we all deserve the opportunity to evaluate our lives this way!

 

 

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